What Is The World Coming To When Circumstances Force A Man To See MacGruber?
The other day, a friend of mine was telling me how he went to see Magruber, the latest in a long line of mildly amusing Saturday Night Live sketches that are woefully unsuited to become movies. This one wasn’t that funny to begin with; MacGyver is such an easy target that I feel like jokes about that show have run their course.
Just off the top of my head, here’s an idea for a Saturday Night Live esque-movie: a blind joggler (a jogging juggler) named Mikey “Pine Sol” Indelicato? He could be played by Kenneth from 30 Rock. Also, he’s got a superficial, ostensibly attractive but shallow wife (Heidi Montag, maybe?) who is two-timing him with his biggest joggling rival, Nick “The Hammer” Jenkins (the black guy from those Old Spice commercials). About a third of the way through the movie, Pine Sol suffers a humiliating defeat to the Hammer and learns that his wife is cuckolding him with his biggest rival. This causes him to fall into a deep malaise, which he is eventually dragged out of by the shy, unassuming girl (Amanda Seyfried) who lives next door. The whole thing culminates in a final, hijinks filled, jogglers only race, with Pine Sol and The Hammer going head-to-head.
So yeah, that idea would be funny for, I don’t know, ten seconds? So why not stretch the whole thing out to an hour and fifteen?
Anyway, my friend’s story of being forced to see Magruber got me thinking about awful films that I’ve been forced to see. Whether it’s a girlfriend making her boyfriend see the Sex and the City movie, a team going to a movie for a bonding experience, or whatever, everyone has been forced to see a bad movie at some point. For me, the most embarrassing and flat-out awful movie I’ve ever had to see was, gulp, Agent Cody Banks. Yup, the one with Hilary Duff and Frankie Muniz.
This movie came out in the spring of my sophomore year of high school. I was with a group of maybe 10 people at the mall and we decided to see a movie. I can’t recall what we were trying to see, but because everyone was getting picked up by their parents and whatnot, we had to be out of the theatre by a certain time and the movie that we wanted to see was sold out. Thus, we all got to spend an hour-and-a-half watching watered down action scenes and half-hearted flirting between two fourteen year olds (still can’t believe I paid for that).
That’s about it for now. I need to go work on my screenplay, tentatively titled “The Joggler” (coming June 2013).