The Top 7 Rons Of All Time (Fictional And Otherwise)
Whenever I’m writing any type of list-based blog, I always feel the need to preface the thing with some kind of anecdote-filled paragraph announcing the intentions of the list, what I hope to accomplish by writing it, or how I came up with the idea for it. Well, all I’ll tell you here is that I was sitting around one day when I thought “Ron is an unusual name.” Then I thought “Hmm, I wonder what the best Ron’s throughout history have accomplished.” Here’s what I came up with:
Honorable Mention: The former Utah Jazz’s duo of Ronnie Price and Ronnie Brewer.
Ronald is not a common name. There simply are not a lot of them walking around out there. The Utah Jazz know this, and being the smart, disciplined team that they are, cornered the market on NBA players named “Ronnie.” If they could have only dragged Rony Seikaly out of retirement, they might have really had something. Speaking of which…
7) Rony Seikaly
Definitely the most obscure Ron on this list, Seikaly was an NBA center/stiff who played for a number of teams, including the Shaq-led Orlando Magic. As a player, Seikaly is remembered (by me anyway) for having really unusual hair for a relatively successful NBA player. The man looked, frankly, like he would be most comfortable working the grille at a local sub shop, not throwing up jump hooks. Anyway, according to my extensive internet based research, Sickley is the tallest Ron in history, so he’s got that going for him.
6) That Ron kid from Harry Potter
Other than the first half of the first book, I’ve never found Harry Potter particularly compelling. Frankly, I never understood what all the fuss was about. What is it about this little wizard boy with his little wizard friends that’s thrown the nation into such a tizzy? Nevertheless, there’s no denying the book and film’s popularity, and Ron Weasley is a big part of that. Everything about this kid screams “loveable underdog.” His fiery red hair, his name, his umm, lack of handsomeness? He also gets to pal around with Hermione, or whatever Emma Watson’s characters name is, which is nice.
5) Ron Paul
Ron Paul is a U.S. politician currently a Representative of Texas, if you didn’t know that. He’s, well, famous I guess, mainly for being a less popular, more conservative, and less hated Ralph Nader. Umm, what else can I tell you? He’s sort of a libertarian, though I don’t think anyone really knows what the heck libertarians believe in. Paul ran for President in 1988 as a member of the Libertarian Party, and ran for the Republican Presidential nomination in 2008. He’s also a well-known supporter of 3rd party candidates.
4) Ron(ald) McDonald
Iconic. Colorful. Endearing. Fun. Creepy. Disturbing. Like something out of a nightmare. Any of these words could be aptly used to describe this McDonald’s mascot, though I tend to side with the latter. I’m convinced that beneath the seemingly happy exterior of Ronald McDonald, there lies a deeply disturbed individual ready to murder you and eat your family. Still, you can’t argue with Ron Mac’s massive popularity, both in the United States and abroad. The clown is synonymous with McDonald’s, which is one of the biggest and most powerful fast food restaurants in the world. This makes him the most powerful Ron in the world.
3) Ron Burgundy
Is it me, or has Ron Burgundy been experiencing a resurgence lately? Will Ferrell’s most memorable role is a dim-witted yet lovable newsman who embodies the goofy, action-packed news segments of the 70’s. Anchorman is a fairly underrated comedy film and it seems to have a much greater staying value than more transient comedies of the same ilk (Wedding Crashers, Old School, etc.). Case in point: I saw three Ron Burgundy costumes this Halloween.
2) Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson (alias Duke Silver), played by Nick Offerman on NBC’s terrific Parks and Recreation, is fast becoming one of my favorite characters on television. As part of the shows ensemble cast, he typically garners huge laughs despite being mainly a background player. We should be in the midst of Season 3 of Parks right now, but the show’s slot is being taken by Outsourced. Ouch.
1) Ronald Reagan
I can’t say I particularly like Ronald Reagan, but there was no way around putting him on this list: he’s clearly the most successful and influential Ron out there. Reagan was an actor in his youth who starred in over 50 films including the legendary Bedtime for Bonzo, which pitted the future president against a rambunctious chimpanzee. During the Barry Goldwater era of conservatism in the 1960’s, Reagan made a name for himself as a charismatic and fresh new face. During his presidency he created the Star Wars defense program, ended the Cold War, and heavily emphasized supply side economics. Not bad for a guy named Ronald.