27) What Is The Worst Board Game Of All Time?

Q. What is the worst board game of all time?

A. Battleship.

Board games for two people are always risky.  If one player is much better than the other, the whole experience stinks.  So I’ll give Battleship this: there can’t really be a “best” player because the game is almost entirely dependent on luck.  Sure, there’s a little bit of strategy in terms of where you place your ships and the pattern of your attacks, but if the two people playing are relatively competent and intelligent individuals, it becomes a guessing game.  And Christ, is it boring.  Here’s a typical dialogue one will find while observing a game of Battleship:

Player 1: A4

Player 2:That’s a miss…I’m gonna go with J7.

Player 1: Miss…G8

Player 2: Miss…H3?

Player 1: That’s a miss.

And so on.  That’s the whole game.  Even in the notoriously boring arena of board games, Battleship manages to one-up the competition.  The other day I had about 30 minutes to kill before seeing a movie.  I was with a friend, so I figured we’d play a board game.  For some reason, I went with Battleship.  What a mistake.  After 3 excruciating minutes of miss after miss, I just lied and told her she had hit my aircraft carrier.  It probably ended up costing me the game, but I just needed something to break the monotony. 

If I was locked in a room with another person, and they gave me a choice of playing Battleship or staring at the wall, I’d take the wall every time.


~ by fc13 on January 15, 2011.

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