19)What Is The Most Annoying Situation In The World?

Q)What is the most annoying situation in the world?

A)Sitting in heavy traffic on the highway while on the way to an important meeting while simultaneously having to urinate.

(Just a note: this is excluding things like being born fatherless in an underdeveloped country and finding yourself in an unbreakable, inescapable cycle of poverty)

(Another note: I have no idea why I basically wrote this entire article in the freaking second person. Who do I think I am, Jay McInerney?) 

There’s absolutely nothing worse than traffic on the highway. If I’m in the city and there’s a lot of traffic, it’s at least somewhat understandable. There’s traffic lights, different streets crossing over each other, and a bunch of jackass pedestrians getting in the way. It’s annoying, but at least there’s a reasonable explanation as to why it takes an hour and a half to go two miles. On the highway though, it’s inexplicable. The cars are on a giant road that goes straight ahead. Some people are going 80 miles per hour. How the hell are we in a situation where you’re sitting there, going an inch a minute.

Sure, there are sometimes situations where highway traffic has a rational explanation. If they have to close a lane for snow removal, for instance, or if there’s a big accident. But I swear, half the time when I’m stuck in traffic, I’ll just reach a certain point and everyone will just start going faster. It’s bizarre. It’s not like we got by a certain exit everyone was trying to get off, it just randomly dissipates.

So combine a massive traffic jam with an important meeting that you have to get to. This is awful, because the situation is completely out of your hands. You’re sitting in a car, desperately looking for an opening to a lane that seems like it might be going a smidge faster than your lane. You contemplate getting off the next exit and taking the back roads. You contemplate abandoning your car and just running. The worst part is, you know everyone else is gonna be at the meeting. They probably got there 20 minutes early, the smug bastards.

Finally, you have to pee. Sitting in a car while having to pee is probably one of the top five most uncomfortable situations ever. If the car is zipping along, it’s not really a big deal. It’s easy to take your mind off your bladder if you’re going 70 miles per hour. Sitting in a car that’s going nowhere, though, just exacerbates things. And, aside from taking a piss in a random water bottle you found on the floor, what else are you gonna do? Even if you made it your sole mission, it would take 20 minutes to find a bathroom.

So there you have it folks; the most annoying situation a modern human being can face. It’s got it all. Crippling guilt and anxiety because of how late you are going to be for the meeting. Annoyance and bafflement at why there is so much god-damned traffic. Discomfort and physical anguish due to your bladder. I pray no one reading this ever has to face this set of circumstances.

Additional Info

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traffic_congestion Wikipedia article on traffic.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/search-for-public-restroom-an-epic-ordeal-of-alien,66/ Funny article from the Onion on a guy looking for a bathroom.

~ by fc13 on January 31, 2011.