American Pie Reboot In The Works…Please Let This Be A Joke.

You’ll never go broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.

-P.T. Barnum

Well, this isn’t good. The LA Times is reporting that Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle writers Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg working on a “reboot” of American Pie. “Universal, which made and distributed the pop-phenomenon original, is developing a new version with an eye toward resetting the property as a theatrical franchise…” the article says.

Good god man. It’s not bad enough the world had to sit through 3 dreadful American Pie films, countless direct-to-DVD sequels, and hours of groan-inducing masturbation related quotes, they now want to “reboot” the film. How the hell do you reboot American Pie? Is that even possible?  It’s not like this is a franchise with a  complicated backstory and a number of different directions which the filmmakers can explore. There’s only so many ways you can explore a nerdy dude sticking his dick into a pie.

Also, as the LA Times article rightly points out; the primary reason the original American Pie was successful was because it was way raunchier than most of the other movies of the time. Since 1999, stories of weirdos pining after a ridiculously hot, out of their league girls has been done approximately 3,000 times. Hell, there was a movie this summer called She’s Out of My League. It’s also roughly the storyline in every Judd Apatow movie ever made.

The sad thing is there’s probably no way anyone can stop this thing. There are too many idiots out there. It’s like that train in Unstoppable, only there’s no determined, black man to derail it.

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~ by fc13 on February 1, 2011.

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