If I See The Trailer For The Change-Up/Switched One More Time, I’m Going To Do Something Irrational
I’ve been to the movies a few times over the past several months. I’ve seen the following films: Captain America, Thor, Horrible Bosses, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II, Super 8, X-Men: First Class, The Hangover Part II, and Bridesmaids. Not exactly the most diverse group of films, but there are a few different genres represented and the movies have come out at different times. Want to know what they have in common, though? Every one of them, with the exception of Harry Potter, has had this mind-blowingly annoying trailer shown before the movie started:
The movie is either called The Change-Up or Switched; I’m not really sure which because by the time the title card comes up, I’m usually beating my head against the chair in front of me. Let’s break down what’s wrong with this piece of garbage:
It starts off showing a guy named Dave a.k.a. “Family Man”, played by the usually funny Jason Bateman (he must have been blackmailed into doing this movie or something). Dave wakes up, gets bullied by his wife (played by Leslie Mann, starring in a non-Judd Apatow film despite her lack of talent, charisma, or good looks) into changing the babies. He is then shit on by one of the babies. Shit literally squirts out of the baby and onto his face. The camera then freezes, so the audience can take a second or two to look at the shit on Jason Bateman’s face. That’s a great way to start your trailer.
Then we meet another guy named Mitch a.k.a. “Single Guy” played by that guy who bombed The Green Franchise. Mitch wakes up and is greeted by a scantily clad blonde woman who promptly derobes for him.
This cues that awful “How You Like Me Now” song that seems to play in every stupid comedy trailer ever created. We see Mitch and Dave at a bar; apparently they’re friends, even though Mitch seems much cooler/younger than Dave. Clearly, the dichotomy that is being created is that of a bachelor enjoying the single life vs. a married man slogging through family life. Mitch brags about all the women he’s been with, Dave complains about his kids, who he compares to heroin addicts.
If there’s one thing I get from films and television, it’s that married life is a hellish experience. Seriously, other than Friday Night Lights, when do you ever see a really happy married couple? Hell, the entire premise of Everybody Loves Raymond was that marriage was a miserable experience filled with anxiety, nagging, and constant bickering.
Anyway, the two friends are walking along, talking about their differing lifestyles. They stop to take a piss in a water fountain (?). Dave tells Mitch he wants his life, Mitch reciprocates. Suddenly, lightning strikes (can you see where this is going?).
The next day, the two guys wake up and they’ve switched bodies. The rest of the trailer highlights the hijinks that ensue; Dave (in Mitch’s body) goes out with his co-worker/receptionist while Mitch (in Dave’s body) tries to have sex with Dave’s wife (pretty creepy, actually). The trailer ends, those in the audience with an IQ above 100 groan, and we move on to the next one.
There are so many things to hate about this piece of crap film. The first is that it manages to make Jason Bateman, who’s an inherently likeable guy, annoying as hell. This guy was the lead actor in arguably the greatest comedy television series of all time, yet the people who made the trailer choose to highlight the most annoying, whiny lines imaginable. Second, it’s such a stupid, unoriginal premise for a film. Bodyswitching has been done to death, we don’t need to see it again. Third, why does it play at every theatre, before every movie, regardless of genre? Do these people not realize that overexposure to lame jokes and baby shit is going to prejudice the audience to seeing their piece of crap film?
So, in conclusion, the next time I see this trailer I’m going to do something irrational. I don’t know what yet, maybe chant “Boo-urns” at the top of my lungs until the 95 year old ushers rush in and drag me out, maybe attempt to access the projection room so I can burn little snippet of film that contains this trailer, maybe incite the crowd to riot, maybe write a strongly worded letter to Universal Studios voicing my displeasure with this film. I’m guessing the scene of that theatre will looks something like this: